Sunday, February 17, 2008
So it is almost 1:00am and I am left restless again. I was thinking maybe it was the caffeine but I have had precious little caffeine today. In fact, I can’t even say I had one full can of diet soda. It could be the issues I am currently facing in life but, that would not explain the good news I received today. So, I sit and I ponder… why? Why can’t I sleep? Of course, that leads me to ponder other things. Like the fact that my baby is almost a year old. In two short precious weeks my baby will become a toddler. My goodness this year has gone by fast. I feel robbed of month nine and consequently ten and eleven too. It feels like yesterday I was anticipating her arrival. Although I have been looking forward to this first birthday for awhile it feels like I have not been waiting long enough. She has learned to crawl and now walk. She has teeth and can almost talk. She is growing up and soon my baby will no longer be a baby. If this year is anything like those to come she will zoom past the toddler years whiz past early childhood and before we know it she will be a full fledged adolescent with adulthood creeping around the next corner. I wonder if we will teach her what she needs to know. I wonder if or better yet how I, as her mom, will fail her. Will she love God? Will she save the world from some impending doom? I know God spared her life for a reason and I have to wonder what miraculous things are planned for her. I am filled with emotion sad b/c her last weekend as a baby I am going to be gone and yet stangely excited about what is to come. Perhaps, this is why I can’t sleep. Perhaps it is because I have learned that every second is precious even the ones were her eyes closed and she is dreaming. At least I can spend another second with my baby as baby before she becomes a toddler.