Valentines Day this year was unlike any other. It was not because this year we had a baby in tow but because we spent it unlike any other. The days leading up to Valentines Day and the day itself were filled with dealing with getting our finances in order. Not exactly what I would call a fun job but one that has to be done. I was feeling like Josh and I had failed and like we have dug ourselves a hole so deep that we could no longer get out of it. This is how I felt. I have since seen God working in some amazing and extraordinary ways. God showed me in December that He will take care of my daughter. He showed me that He has a special plan for her and dying was not it. Now God is showing me that He also cares deeply for us. In what I felt was failure and hopelessness He has given us friends and family who are not judging but coming along side of us with understand and love. He has placed in our lives choices to deal with our obstacles however, I am filled with fear. I am filled fear that we will fail ourselves, our friends and mostly God. Josh and I truly have squandered a little and I am afraid that it can not be unlearned. I am afraid that we are not qualified… And then I am reminded that God does not call the qualified He qualifies the called! I know that God is calling us to be good stewards of His gifts and He wants to see us succeed in basics of life. I also know that He already knows what we will do. He knows if we are going do as we have promised ourselves or if we fail. Oh how I wish I knew too.
As decisions about things are coming up I truly do pray that I make the right decisions for my family and I follow what God wants of me. As I ponder and pray I am reminded that there are times and seasons in life. The season Josh and I are in is one of storms and deep dark clouds. You know the kind of clouds you see and wonder if you will survive the upcoming storm. Yet I am also filled with great anticipation of what the storm will bring. God is showing me day by day that He is going to help us weather this storm that He is going to help us through to the promised rainbow at the storms end.